Over the past couple of years, I've noticed that a few of my friends were finally being reunited with their parent/s. I was told that the process of petitioning an alien relative have gotten quite speedy and I was encouraged to start petitioning my mother since I've been a US citizen for sometime. This plan has always been on the back of my mind but now that I have to make that decision, I had some moments of doubt. I wanted to see first how the newly-arrived parents are managing their new lifestyle. I was curious as to how they are integrating to their new status and adjusting to a different culture. Most of them were already enjoying their retirement and had their own network of friends back home. Is it really a wise and fair decision to take all that away from them? Is living in the US really worth it for them?

Maybe I'm way over thinking these things. I'm sure people assumed that I would be trying to get my parent to come to the US once I became a citizen. I reckon people have made comments to my mother like "You're lucky. Your daughter will take you to the US". I wish it's as easy as that. My Mama had to make a very important decision to uproot herself from everything she has ever known, including leaving her own elderly mother, at this point in her life. It was certainly different for me then since I was just starting out and very eager for a fresh beginning. My mother have already made a life for herself. She is surrounded by family and friends and although far from living in utmost abundance, she has properties she can speak of. Being here in the US means she will be financially dependent on us, with less family and not much of a social life. Furthermore, she won't be able to visit my father's grave whenever she wants. She really do have a lot to give up if she's going to make this move.

Don't get me wrong. She liked it here when she and my father visited five years ago. In fact, my parents were looking forward to migrate eventually. But now that my father's gone, I wasn't all too sure if my mother would be happy in a new place where she only have me and Kenny as immediate family. As much as I would love for her to be close by me, I left the choice up to her. After mulling things over, her ruling finally came down based on who's going to gain advantage from it. Like the good mother that she is, she's ultimately doing this for my youngest sister Sande . Once my mother becomes an immigrant, she'll be eligible to petition my sister since she's still under 21 years old. She just wants my sister to have the same opportunities I have. Also, my mother was motivated by the likelihood that my other sister Emily (and her family) will finally make it to the US soon since her application for a nursing job in New York is currently in the works. Things are definitely looking more to her liking and I'm glad and relieved about that. I wouldn't want her to be left in the Philippines without my sister since she's been looking out for her. My mother might not be in poor health yet but I'd prefer for her to be in a place where there is better medical care when she needs it. I still blame my father's demise on the substandard medical service in our city. I just wouldn't want my mother to be another casualty.

A few weeks ago, I finally submitted the application to the USCIS. It took sometime to get everything together as it can be a slow and tedious process obtaining documents from the Philippines' government offices. It was a mad rush to submit the requirements since I wanted to take advantage of the lower fee. After July 31st, the application fee was raised from $190.00 to $355.00. That's quite a big difference, huh?

Anyway, I recently received the Notice of Action   that notified me of the receipt of the application. I spoke to my mother about it and she seemed pleased that things are going as planned. She sounded quite excited and informed me that she's starting to get her business in order, tying up loose ends and making sure that my little (not really so little anymore) sister will be taken cared of while she's away. It's going to be tough to be parted from each other but such sacrifice is necessary to achieve the ultimate goal of a family reunion that's been long overdue. I can't wait for that to happen soon!

This blog entry is long overdue but I hesitated to post it earlier since I wanted to wait for the right time to do it. I didn't create this blog just to rant and rave about how terrific or terrible my life is. I also aspire to share as much information and insight based on my experiences. Therefore, it is my hope that the readers will be interested, educated and motivated after reading this.

A few weeks ago, I was having some trouble with my right hand due to Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. It turned out to be not my only health concern. On top of multiple muscle aches and joint pains, I suffered an intolerable intermittent headache for more than 2 weeks. The list of health issues or symptoms seemed to be getting longer and I found myself feeling a lot older than I should be. It was like living inside a bottle that I can't get out of. In order to function at home and at work, I depended heavily on various OTC pain medications for relief. Furthermore, although I've adopted a rather lackadaisical attitude towards my continuous weight gain, I can't deny that it has begun to affect (indigestion, shortness of breath, easy fatigability and sluggishness) my overall health. After weeks of procrastination and whining, I finally decided to see my doctor . The subsequent blood tests showed that I have elevated levels of cholesterol, ESR and ANA. My doctor then advised me to modify my diet and to seek a Rheumatology consultation. Whoa! Me, with arthritis?

I should have been content and follow the doctor's orders, right? Yes, I will do as I'm told but I decided to take it up a notch and take control, be more proactive about regaining my well-being. A week ago, I embarked on a 21-days detox regimen to cleanse my body of toxins and lose weight as well. No, folks. I'm not shilling for any company or products but for those who are interested in the details, just send me a message and I'd be happy to provide more information. So far, I've lost about 10 lbs in just a week and I'm feeling so much better. My aches and pains are gone and I have so much energy to spare. I'm aiming to lose 10-15 more in the next 2 weeks and I plan to keep those pounds from creeping up again by being more aware of what I put in my body and getting rid of what's not good. They say that "you are what you eat" but it's also true that "you are what you don't excrete".

So, why am doing this? I think most of us expats can attest that after having lived here in the US (or anywhere else) for sometime and you go back to the Philippines to visit, your friends and family are apt to make observations about your apparent "chubbiness". Comments like "Tumaba ka" or "Nanambok lagi ka", although done in a teasing manner, can undeniably rankle on your nerves since you've just spent the last few weeks prior to the trip dieting and exercising but it wasn't enough anyway. Then, you gain a lot more from indulging in all the food and delicacies that you missed and haven't tasted for what seemed like forever. At the end of the trip, I can hardly zip up my jeans. Ugghhh!

Realistically, we can't expect to stay the same size we were when we first left the Philippines but living a different lifestyle in a different culture has definitely and unfavorably changed us physically and it's taking a toll on our health. How so? Let's start with our eating habits and food choices. All of a sudden, there's the abundance of foods that used to be unaffordable or inaccessible back then. The bad news is that we find ourselves ingesting more processed and chemically altered foods than ever before. For instance, going out for a pizza might have been a rare thing to do in the past. Nowadays, you only have to open your freezer and have a slice (or more) of cheesy pizza in a few minutes. In fact, almost everything you eat might be frozen or packaged . There's also a variety of soda and flavored drinks on hand to wash the food down. Your pantry might be looking like a mini "sari-sari" store containing canned goods, bags of chips, baked goods, packages of noodles and pastas, condiments, etc. If you check the contents on the labels of these stuff, it's like reading a chemistry project and you'd be amazed at how much calories and salt you're getting from such a small amount of food . When you go out for a meal, the servings are so huge that you can easily feed a family of 3 to 5. By the time you're done with your soup, salad and appetizer, there won't be enough room for the entree although a dessert might be hard to resist. Sooner or later, eating larger portions become the norm and expectation. This is indeed a country who loves to supersize.

The other factor is our lifestyle. Although we work hard in our respective professions or jobs, most of us are living in a sedentary pace. We don't have to walk anymore to the nearest bus or jeepney stop as we most likely have our own mode of transportation which is a necessity if public transit is not available. The most walking we'll probably have would be at the mall as we indulge in retail therapy, a favorite pastime among Americans. Another issue is the higher stress level that we are subjecting ourselves to. In keeping up with a fast paced world, we are exhausted all the time and we barely give our bodies enough time to rest and recuperate from the ravages of the day's gruelling schedule. Sooner or later, something's going to give.

Some of you might be already living and following a very active and healthy lifestyle. Kudos to you. But for some of us who are struggling to stay fit in this new environment, we have to increase our awareness of the ways to prevent ill-health and to fight the battle of the bulge. As we know, obesity is a prevalent problem in the US. By the time a person turns 50, he or she might already have a long list of diagnoses and surgical procedures in their medical record . I don't want to be a part of that statistic so I'm doing what I can to keep that from happening and you should too. We work so hard to get to where we're at and it would be a darn shame to lose everything because we are not treating our body with more care and respect. As what my sage grandma used to say, "Health is wealth" and she lived beyond her 80s. I can only hope to survive and enjoy my golden years like her.

 I realize it's been a while since my last post. I suppose I've been preoccupied with a lot of things and my focus had been split into different directions. Also, as the weather gets warmer and nicer, I find myself spending less time on the internet except when checking out my friends' blogs and updates. Yup! It's time to come out of hibernation and put on those flip-flops or Havaianas (pronounced ah-vai-YAH-nas), shorts, capris and summer dresses. Although it can still get cooler and the temperature usually takes a dip at night, I can already tell the big difference in my mood. Somehow, optimism comes easier and my reservoir of patience and tolerance is being replenished as the mercury rises.

 There's definitely an attitude makeover in progress. Even the fact that a few more pounds had crept up on my my already "pear-shaped"  physique, I don't mind it as much as I used to. Perhaps working in an environment where people gets a rude awakening on a regular basis helps anchor my perspective on the harsh realities of life. A few nights ago, I came upon a forty-something female patient who was sobbing on her bed. When I asked her what's wrong, she tearfully replied,"The food just goes through me. Nothing is being absorbed. How can I put on any weight at all?" In case you don't understand what she meant, she was referring to the chronic diarrhea that she's suffering from for almost two months now. Her shrinking body can testify to what she's been going through. She was very frail and cachectic looking and could be easily mistaken for a gangly twelve year-old girl with her very tiny frame. I was at a loss for words. I muttered a few words of sympathy and comfort and left the room minutes later feeling humbled and grateful that my body is still capable of nourishing itself and I get to go home and enjoy doing the things I can do.  There's just so much to be grateful for indeed. Let me count the blessings.

A tested formula: a happy Rosemarie = a happy Kenny . When he found out that it's going to be in the 80s last Sunday, he proposed to take a drive to downtown Chicago and take the dogs, Sidney and Lara, for a stroll down Lake Shore Drive. I happily agreed and was so psyched for it that I didn't even mind having only 2 hours of sleep before heading out. There was a spring in my step that I just couldn't mask and I couldn't help laughing at every cute little thing that my doggies did. They were as excited as their Mama Monkey (that's me    and Papa Monkey (guess who?). We trekked from the Adler Planetarium all the way to the Navy Pier which probably spanned more than 3 miles. Our feet (and paws) were feeling the burn but we prodded on, taking the time to appreciate the beautiful scenery and the relaxed vibe from the people around us.  Our downtown excursion was an easy reminder that the simple pleasures in life don't have to come from expensive objects or grand events. It's just out there, mostly for free ( except for the parking fee, I guess) and more satisfying than anything. We had such an awesome time that Kenny offered to do it again on Saturday and his Mom will probably come with us as well. I am so looking forward to it already.

I hope I didn't bore you guys . I just feel like sharing since I know most of you are also having great times together with your friends, families and loved ones. In light of the tragedy that recently struck Virginia Tech, a little love fest and feel-good moment couldn't hurt, right? Anyhoo, let me end this rambling with this quotation:

"Determine now to not make your life's end a moment filled with regrets. Or at least make sure they are the right regrets. Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can."

Paint away, folks!

 As our house is back on the market again for the second time, we've had a few occasional viewing mostly on weekends which is particularly rough on Kenny since he prefers to sleep in on his days off but has to wake up earlier so we can get the house ready and vacate it before the realtors and their clients arrive. We try not to be present when potential buyers are scrutinizing our home as we realized it could be an awkward situation for everybody. We once viewed somebody's residence last year and came upon the homeowner still eating lunch with his shirt off despite being notified ahead of time.  We also marvel at how people can allow strangers to see so much clutter in their abode. Although it can get wearisome at times, we try to keep our dwelling in tiptop shape and decorated it very minimally, not kitschy. A few of the houses we've looked up so far have so much tschotschkes in every nook and cranny that it can somehow detract from the potential of the house. Let's not even mention some of the most dated or hideous decor we've ever encountered. I know we have different tastes and sense of style (nothing wrong with that) but I guess we've seen enough TV shows on TLC or HGTV to know the importance of first impressions when it comes to selling real estate. At least we think so.

Last Tuesday, Kenny told me that we had a viewing while I was sleeping . He apparently received an urgent call from our realtor about a request to show the house that night. He agreed on the condition that the master bedroom will be an exception. He didn't want to wake me up since I have to work that night . He rushed home from work to tidy up and while he was still straightening the basement, he heard voices speaking a foreign language. He came up to the first floor to find three Filipinas with their realtor (a Filipino). Despite being caught by surprise, Kenny managed to welcome them and reminded the realtor that the master bedroom was off limits for the time being. They seemed to have no problem with that and went around inspecting the house.

Kenny thought they appeared to be really interested on the number of bedrooms and were focused on how they can potentially add another bedroom in the basement . He suspects they might be a bunch of friends or relatives who'd be sharing in the purchase. They expressed their compliments over the paint color choices on the walls and seemed wowed by the decorating style and layout. Overall, the comments were positive and encouraging but we've heard them many times before when we first placed the house on the market last August. We still haven't received a reasonable offer so we try not to get too excited anymore. We've been down this road before and we are aware that it's a "buyer's market" out there right now.

 I  do love our house as it's our first one and we've put so much work on it to suit our needs and sense of style. We've shelled out considerable amount of money on some pricey upgrades so we were fairly confident that it will get sold quickly when we first placed it on the market. Alas! The real estate market deteriorated right around that time and with winter came even less chance of people being interested in purchasing and moving. Our one attempt at an open house was unsuccessful so we're not considering it again.  We also had our share of no-shows which was certainly annoying. Now that it's spring, we are hoping that we'll be able to beat the odds. Otherwise, we'll have to consider selling the house on our own, without using a realtor, which can be difficult and inconvenient to say the least.  

Allthough buying a house was nerve-wracking the first time around, it was easier and more enjoyable than selling one. When Kenny and I get into a bellyaching session on how exasperating it is becoming, I can't help but ruminate about how it wouldn't be a huge problem for me back in the Philippines if I need or want a place of my own. Modesty aside, my family have inherited substantial land and property and as long as I don't mind living in a rural area, I can have a picking of a plot of land to build a house on, with a big backyard to boot.  It might not be a grand mansion complete with all the high technology gadgets but it would be all mine. I wouldn't have to go through a credit check, save for a down payment, apply for financing and anxiously wait for approval. I also would not have the monthly mortgage payments we're paying right now. Even if we get our house sold eventually, we are faced with the possibility of buying a substandard property (and still expensive) for the sake of location.  

The one thing I learned from our home buying and selling process is the first rule of real estate: "location, location, location".  When I first came to the US, I was amazed at how much emphasis is placed on the location of one's residence. Safe and affluent neighborhoods with commendable school systems are just some of the factors that make an area with high property resale values. In order to get into one of these sought after locales, one might end up biting too much house. That is, a too-big house payment which can, at the very least, leave you with too little money for other goals: retirement, vacations, college funds for the kids. At worst, it can leave you vulnerable to foreclosure and bankruptcy.  We certainly don't want that.

Years ago, I never would have thought I'll be dealing with matters like real estate, taxes, financing, mortgages, etc. I usually wouldn't pay any attention to any subject using jargons that my brain finds too intricate to fathom. For me, those kind of stuff are for my parents to handle . I guess I have to accept the fact that I'm clearly an adult now and have to make an effort in comprehending all these business and financial verbiage  . With the help of the internet and a lot of research, Kenny and I have been able to wade through all the information and weed out the faulty ones. We just hope that we are better armed to make an intelligent decision once we find ourselves in the homebuying market again.  

Will somebody please buy our house already!

The last time I spoke with my mother, she relayed to me that my Aunt Agnes will be running for office again. She is currently a City Councilor and seriously considered to join the race for the Vice Mayor position for the upcoming election in May if no one from her party stepped up.  Fortunately, she didn't have to so I breathed a sigh of relief. My mother voiced her concern that the candidate from the opposition is quite formidable and have a murky reputation of intimidating and eliminating other candidates through allegedly unsavory tactics. As much as I have conviction in my aunt on her leadership aptitude and bona fide political passion, I wouldn't want her life endangered. In light of the pervasive corruption in the country, I remember a popular saying pertaining to the Filipinos' campaigning style. It is said that if you want to win, you must have the 3 Gs: Gold, Guns, and Goons. Now, I'm not saying that I condone or espouse this kind of thinking. Sadly, this is the monstrous reality that rears its ugly head come election time.

I didn't have a lot of opportunities to vote back then but I'm quite familiar with the campaign trail shenanigans since some members of my clan (including my father) had some political affinity coursing in their blood. My grandfather was a City Mayor ages ago and consequently, some relatives vied for various positions throughout the years, sort of carrying on the family tradition. A few were successful but most of them gave up any endeavors altogether upon recognizing that they just don't have enough means (mainly financially) to change the rules and bargain on an impartial and scrupulous outcome.

Just when I thought that the family have finally put aside any political ambitions to rest, my aunt decided to throw her hat in the ring . If you know her personally, you can just appreciate the amount of moxie and intestinal fortitude this woman have. With no political experience under her belt to speak of, one might say that she naively stepped into the political arena like a lamb at the mercy of power hungry lions. Granted she has the financial resources to support the campaign costs, it is her herculean ability to see the big picture and the stalwart belief that she can make a difference that got her through the rigorous and sometimes treacherous campaign process. She obviously had her share of muckraking and mudslinging but it didn't deter her from her staying on course and gaining the respect of her constituents. I was indeed proud and pleased when she got elected and served her term with remarkable aplomb and accomplishment. Therefore, I absolutely support her in her bid for another term to serve the people who put their trust on her. Heaven knows we need more people like her in the Philippines.

As America is also in the midst of gearing up for the next presidential election, I can't help but notice and compare the compatibilities and disparities of their campaign practices to that in the Philippines. I don't pretend to fully understand the mechanism or machinery so I can only base my opinions on what I observe in the media and on conversations with other Americans. I will not go into details here but what they definitely have in common are the omnipresent controversies and smear propaganda which can get ugly and personal. It's like a piranha feeding season just like the last time. When we were in Italy last year, we saw and heard the same scenario as well. I guess it's a universal thing. Different people with different languages but with similar actions and motivations. 

Whatever the upshot is for every election, I just hope that it will bring the citizens and voters what they hope to achieve from exercising their suffrage and egalitarianism. Let me close this soliloquy of mine by quoting Napoleon Dynamite's friend Pedro,"Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true." 

As I've posted before, there's another wedding   coming up in Kenny's family and it is fast approaching as evidenced by the invitation I received for a bridal (or rather, couple) shower last Friday night. With only barely three hours of sleep, I head over to the banquet hall where the groom's mother hosted the affair. As expected, the attendees (more or less 50) were prodominantly women but the groom and the bride's father were also in attendance. I was relieved to find that my mother-in-law reserved a seat for me next to her and my sister-in-law. After extending a round of greetings and hugs to the rest of the family, I settled down to enjoy the nice dinner deftly served by the staff.

After the desserts finally disappeared from the table, Sarah and T.K. started opening numerous boxes and giftbags from the long table across the room."Ohhhs" and "ahhhs" occasionally emanated from the crowd. Most of the presents were houseware and kitchenware items and some miscellaneous home decorative accessories. Some also included stuff that the couple might find useful for their honeymoon in Las Vegas (casino chips, sunscreen, etc). There were also envelopes that contained either giftcards or checks. Sarah and T.K. made a point of acknowledging and thanking the givers and were obviously overwhelmed by their generousity. Overall, it was a very successful event. The young couple will certainly find themselves running out of space in their townhome due to the multitude of gifts they have received so far. I found out the the bride's family will also be hosting another shower soon. Lucky kids, huh?

I felt the same way when Kenny and I had our own pre-wedding festivities a few years ago. In fact, we had a total of three bridal showers. Aside from the first one hosted by Kenny's family and the second one that was separately given by my close friends, my coworkers at the hospital surprised me with a breakfast party where they presented me with a huge basket full of miscellaneous items that they chose from our registry. Ah, the bridal registry! What a boon it is.

When I first came to the US, I didn't know much about bridal showers. Although Filipinos have adopted a lot of Western customs (Halloween, Easter bunny and eggs) nowadays, I doubt if giving a bride a gift giving party before her wedding is one of them (as far as I know). At the weddings I'd been to before in the Philippines, I remember that newlyweds mostly received houseware gifts on their wedding day. It is a great thing except the couple might end up receiving multiple sets of drinking glasses, plates, utensils and an inordinate number of thermoses, pots and pans. Since most items can't be returned or exchanged at the stores, that could pose a bit of a problem. This is where a wedding or bridal registry would have helped.

There are many benefits for a couple creating a wedding registry. First, most wedding guests appreciate having a list of what the couple needs. No one wants to be the one to buy the couple their fifth toaster . With electronic wedding gift registries, when a guest buys something for the couple, it is automatically removed from the list. Registering for wedding gifts also gives the new couple the ability to keep track of the items they have for their new life as a married couple. This eliminates the problem of having too many of one thing, and none of another after all of the gifts are opened.  Finally, having a wedding registry saves the couple from the embarrassment of answering questions about their needs. When a well-meaning friend or family member inquires as to what a couple wants as wedding gifts, many brides-to-be feel uncomfortable answering truthfully. The blushing bride may wonder how much the guest wants to spend, and how to offer some gift suggestions without sounding selfish or greedy. Having a bridal registry to direct the inquirer towards eliminates a potentially uncomfortable situation.

The first bridal shower I attended was for my friend Fritze. Although a few of her then-fiance's relatives brought gifts that were from her wedding registry, some of her friends had something else different in mind. As the bride-to-be pulled out sexy lingerie items and some unmentionables from the giftbags, the guests subsequently hollered and shrieked. The ruckus increased when a greased up stripper in a cop outfit came out of nowhere and treated us to a licentious performance that made us blush and squirm in embarassment. When the guy swooped down and took off his velcroed pants in one swift motion and gave a clear view of his obvious asset, a few girls ran out of the room like they were chased by the devil. It was hilarious! 

It was probably one of the most entertaining bridal showers I've ever attended. I'm sure some of you had been to one like it. Anyway, whether it is laid-back or full of fun and games, it's great to take part in a custom like this. It gives us an opportunity to bond with other women, pay homage to our grandmothers and mothers and be reminded to aspire to become what an ideal wife/spouse is supposed to be, in this century anyway.

Last weekend had been pretty rough for me. I got into one of my dark moods again when nothing seemed to please or appease me and when I felt determined to be miserable and drag everybody (meaning Kenny) down with me as well. Maybe I can chalk it up to a bad case of PMS and get over it eventually but I know it was something else that's just lurking and threatening to overcome my fragile state of mind. I didn't want to acknowledge it but as the days rolled on, I have to confront the inevitable. It's March 28th once again.    

Today marked the fourth year since my father's untimely departure from the world of the living. The reality of his death has eased up somewhat but whenever his birthday (October 2) and death anniversary comes around, the floodgates of grief burst open and the rush of sadness runs over me, creating havoc to my emotions.  As much as I try not to make too much of a big deal about it, I can't deny that its effects has successfully permeated my existence and took a toll on my relationship with my husband. Poor guy!  He must have felt like he's walking on eggshells for the past few days and ready to be pushed off the edge at anytime. After a tumultuous confrontation, I'm finally coming to my senses and taking things in stride until this day arrived.

Today, as I was trying to upload some new songs for my radio blog, I came across one that always makes me think about my father. It's a song from Coldplay called "Fix You". The first time I listened to it while driving on my way to work, I didn't even notice the tears rolling down my face as the haunting melody and heartfelt lyrics pierced through my whole being.  I was such a mess that night, I think . I found out later that the lead vocalist of the group, Chris Martin, wrote that song for his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow, who suffered depression due to the death of her father, Bruce Paltrow in October 3, 2002.

I suppose anyone out there who have gone through a loss of a loved one and who might still be dealing with the grief can identify with what I'm going through. I just want to share the song with you all and I hope that it will bring you comfort and solace as well.

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
when you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

 I was at the local Filipino store again yesterday for my bi-weekly trip for some Pinoy grub (pinakbet, pork adobo and siopao). As I waited at the checkout counter, I noticed a couple of Filipinas waiting at another counter which is the branch office of the PNBRCI (Philippine National Bank Remittance Centers, Inc). After paying for my purchases, I strode over to inquire on their current fees. I used to be a regular client of their service for years but I haven't used them lately ever since I found a different way to send money speedily to my family without filling out a form, obtaining a money order (or bank check) and mailing it to the nearest branch ASAP so the money will be received in 2-3 days. Nevertheless, I do recognize the necessity of a service such as PNBRCI to facilitate remittances to our families back in the Philippines. At the risk of sounding like I'm shilling for them, this money transfer company assures that our families will not be left wondering if the financial support they're counting on will get to them safely.

Upon stepping on any foreign soil, most Filipinos will find themselves looking for services that will cater to the need to maintain contact with the families and friends they've left behind. They'll be on the lookout for reasonably priced phone carrier services or for calling cards in anticipation of their frequent international calls, fervently hoping that the usage rates will not eat up a huge chunk of their budget (goodluck on that one   . Been there, done that. During the first five years of my stay in the US, I cringed everytime I wrote out a check to pay for the dreaded phone bill. It pains me now to realize that I could have gone home twice a year for the amount I spent at that time.

I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who've been through the same experience. Despite the costs, I doubt if they ever regret the minutes spent on the phone with their lovedones. Those moments are what's keeping us motivated and inspired to make a better life on a strange land. Hearing about our family's predicament and financial dilemmas is what's keeing us appreciative of the opportunities we are blessed with despite our own quandaries and tribulations. We work harder and save whatever money we can to dispatch it back to those who need it more. That's when remittance services come in handy.

 For those unschooled in the ways of the Filipino expats, a remittance is a transfer of funds or money through a variety of methods available. I'm sure most of you have tried and tested these amenities and are using whatever works well for your purpose. Some may send money regularly or intermittently or on a dire need basis. For instance, those with elderly parents might send a monthly fixed allowance enough to cover for their upkeep and medicines. Those who are sponsoring relatives or siblings to school might have to send an extra amount from time to time aside from the usual allowance for tuition, board and lodging. Some might have to wire money only in emergency situations such as a sudden illness, hospitalization or death of a family member.  The list can go on and on. There are numerous reasons why we Filipinos find ourselves conveying financial aid. Kenny found it peculiar at first when I enlightened him of this practice. He wasn't opposed to it but he has become more understanding and supportive especially after his first visit to the Philippines and saw for himself the huge difference in our lifestyles.  He is probably more of a giver than I am, if truth be told. 

Lest I'm misunderstood, not all Filipino expats have to provide financial aid to their families. Some may only choose to do it during special occasions such as birthdays, graduations and fiestas (for an extra lechon   . Some people might never want or need to do it at all. But for those who do for whatever reasons and frequency, there are a lot more reliable means and options now to expedite the transaction compared to 10 years ago. With the increasing use and availability of the internet in the Philippines, these remittances are indeed getting there even more rapidly than anyone can say "Show me the money!". All the better to make our lovedones breath a of relief once they receive it.  So, just out of curiousity, how do you remit and why? Feel free to share in the comment section if you want.  I'm sure people would appreciate some fresh ideas or suggestions.

I recently read a fellow friendster's blog entry about Last Song Syndrome (LSS) which was pretty timely since I've been suffering from it these past two weeks. Nope, it's not a futile or terminal affliction . It's just that I often found myself humming and attempting to sing (often incorrectly) lyrics of songs that seemed out of character for me. As much as I take pride in having an ear for an eclectic variety of music, nothing seems to get me as energized for work like the pop music I have in a CD mix that I listen to while driving. One night, I started my shift repeatedly singing "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me", prompting my coworkers to incredulously lift their eyebrows . At another night, I was singing about bringing "Sexyback" which was apparently not too credible either as I heard someone chuckled down the hallway."Hollaback Girl" almost got me in hot water as I rapped "Let me hear you say this shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S (This shit is bananas) (B-A-N-A-N-A-S) outside a patient's room. Yep, I'd better change my music selection soon or else...

Anyway, LSS might as well stands for Last Show Syndrome. I had a very restless sleep last night thinking over the recent episode of Amazing Race: All Stars wherein my best bets Rob and Amber got untimely eliminated so early on from the race after coming in first place at the pit stop three times in a row. What a blow! It didn't help that the couple might likely credit their loss of momentum to their inability to spell Philippines correctly. To recap, here's an excerpt from the CBS website:

In Sign It, Teams had to choose a pole and building supplies and carry them up a flight of stairs to Magellan's Map. Using the map as a reference, Teams needed to figure out his journey around the world began and ended in Seville. Then, they had to build a traditional local signpost listing in order the fourteen ports of call in his voyage. While the signs didn't have to point in the right direction, all the cities had to be spelled correctly.

Rivals Rob & Amber and Uchenna & Joyce began the complicated task of building the signpost with Dustin & Kandice while Teri & Ian, Oswald & Danny, and Eric & Danielle all set off on foot in search of the sailor with a compass. Apparent history buff Rob got a jump on the competition by knowing that Magellan began in Seville while Uchenna & Joyce incorrectly assumed he began in Guam since it appeared at the end of the map. However, Rob's good start took a bad turn when he misspelled Philippines on a placard by adding an extra L and omitting a P.

If it is of any consolation to them, I am a Filipino and have made that same mistake at times. Kenny admitted to having a difficulty remembering the correct spelling as well. I've also come across a lot of articles that spelled Filipino as phillipino. I have a feeling that Rob Mariano might still be reliving that scenario in his head and after last night's episode, he's probably getting comments from viewers and friends about his misstep. Not that I care so much but I hope that he won't think or feel ill towards our country just because its name is spelled kinda confusing.

The Philippines surely grabbed a bit of the spotlight last night and hopefully will prompt some people to learn more about our country and culture. It is disheartening that the Filipinos are not being as represented in the media and entertainment business like the other Asian cultures. It was indeed refreshing when one of the contestants from last season's Survivor: Cook Islands, Jenny, was a Filipino-American from Chicago. On the other hand, there was a scene in an episode ("Four Dreams") of Medium that showed a prostitute who spoke Filipino but was supposed to be in Indonesia. What gives? I was baffled and disappointed that the writers didn't even bother to be accurate about this. Perhaps they surmise that our language is way too obscure and unpopular that nobody would know the difference.  

 Who knows what other shows and movies are out there that are depicting the Filipino language and culture quite liberally and erroneously. At the movie "Jarhead", Jake Gyllenhaal's character mentioned "...studying of phillipino mail order bride catalogue" among one of the suggested techniques for the marine to use in the avoidance of boredom and loneliness (including masturbation, rereading of letters from unfaithful wives and girlfriend, cleaning rifle). Not exactly the best picture to project about Filipinas. Hearing that, I think I must have sunk in my seat in the movie theater, feeling very self-conscious. Maybe I was just being too overly sensitive but it was not a great feeling indeed.

Speaking of movies, I got a DVD copy of the movie "Sukob" during my trip to Michigan and I'm hoping to get a few of my friends together to view it. I know most of them don't get to see any original Filipino movies very often so it would be a fun thing to do. Although watching Kris Aquino's movie is not exactly a patriotic act, supporting the Filipino movie industry is. Hopefully, the movie makers in the Philippines will inject more quality and substance in their body of work so that one day, we will see one of them being nominated for an Oscar award for Best Foreign Language Film. That would just be fantastic!  

It was a long and nerve-wracking trip to Michigan last Friday night. Two hours into my drive, I must have passed more than a dozen vehicles stranded on the side of the road and on ditches. It was a brisk night of business for towing companies and a hectic shift for the cops responding to calls about vehicular accidents. The weather conditions were pretty bad but I pressed on and got to my friend's place in one piece.

It was a bit of a shock to see how much my godson Rhyss have grown this past year. He is going to be a tall boy I'm sure. It took him a while to warm up to me but by the time I left on early Sunday morning, he let me hold him for a photo together.

His birthday party was loads of fun. I got to meet more of Marlica's friends and also got reacquainted with someone from home. Maye was younger than me and she was more my sister Emily's friend back then. I remember her to be intelligent and very talented in playing the piano and organ. In fact, she regularly played the church organ during her high school years. I've always admired that in her and it was indeed a pleasure to meet her again after all these years. She has her own family now and I was privileged to meet her husband and two of her kids. We promised to keep in touch and I look forward to seeing them again soon. Maybe when they come for a visit to Chicago. Right, Maye?

The drive home was still lengthy but the weather was more conducive. I managed to amuse myself by taking some snapshots on a particular subject that I had been interested on for some time now. Some photos didn't turn out as good  and there were times when I was sorely tempted to make an impulsive exit off I-94 to seek out those tall structures I glimpsed from afar. Anyway, I was content to add a few more pictures to my slide show on water towers.

I posted a blog entry on this before but I recalled something else related to this matter so I thought I'd write about it again. These water towers reminded me of one disparity between the Philippines and a country like the US; the lack of easy access to clean potable water.

When I was young and living with my grandmother, most people in the barrio would come to her house to fetch water from her pump -operated well. Every morning, neighbors lined up outside my grandma's gate armed with their buckets, ready to collect their water supply for the day. At sundown, a similar line formed again to replenish their containers (barrels, clay pots / banga). It wasn't until I was in high school that the village people finally started having their own water supply at home. Even then, it still wasn't dependable and could run out at any given time especially during the high volume usage. I think they even had an alloted time of the day when they had water flow and certain areas or households didn't. Much like the brown out (or blackouts) situation I remembered from my childhood. That's another story anyway.

When my parents had an additional bathroom built in their house, they equipped it with a shower stall upon my request. It turned out to be a waste of money and effort since the water pressure was too weak and all it could muster to deliver were a few drips at a time or nothing at all. More than a year ago, we commissioned for a generator and container and my mother was happy to report that the water supply has been more sufficient since. Confident enough about the water availability, another shower was installed during a recent renovation just before my last visit. Yep, I was finally able to take a decent, albeit quick shower. The water was way too cold for me since I can't seem to figure out the water heater system. Oddly enough, I didn't even mind the cold shower as much after sweating it out in a sweltering climate.

Knowing how water towers work, it really made me wish that the Philippines will someday find the resources to avail themselves of this necessity. After all, water is one of the basic needs for our survival. Anyway, if your town or city has an interesting water tower or if you have seen one somewhere else, I would surely appreciate it if you can send me a picture of it so I can add it to my gallery. That would be really awesome!

Aside from the roses and card, Kenny sprung an awesome surprise to celebrate (late) Valentine's Day. He was able to secure tickets for front-row seats to the Cirque du Soleil show Delerium at the United Center Arena. I was ecstatic and grateful for such a thoughtful gesture especially since I've been curious about the Cirque du Soleil after I saw one of their impressive shows on TV a long time ago. When I last visited Las Vegas, I really wanted to see "O"  but tickets were so impossible to come by on such a short notice. I've repeatedly verbalized such hankering to Kenny and he thankfully kept it in mind.  When he found out about Delerium being slated to perform in Chicago, he dared not pass up on the chance to wow me  .

 Delerium was not like the traditional Cirque show. It is a live music concert, a multimedia/theatrical production that features remixes of existing Cirque music and reinterpretations of performances. We had a blast! The music and visuals were, at times, overwhelming to take in all at once. I was just astonished at the magnitude of production that goes into a show like this. It was indeed auspicious for us to experience entertainment of this quality and caliber. The show only plays in arenas for one or two nights at a time before moving to the next location. Kenny sure earned some cookie points on this one .

Delerium was only one of the few shows I had been privileged to view in the past few years of living here in the US. I might not have any artistic or theatrical endowment to speak of but I sure could appreciate a great performance when I see it. One of my frustrations about growing up in a rather unurbanized city in the Philippines was the lack of access to stage plays and concerts. The gigs at the Cultural Center of the Philippines (CCP)  just seemed a world away from the various local events (beauty pageants, parades, church or school-related shows) in our city. If not for those soap operas and TV variety shows such as Eat Bulaga and That's Entertainment, it would have been a very tedious and lackluster teenage years. It wasn't until I got to college when I finally saw a live concert by popular singers such as Gary Valenciano, Randy Santiago, Martin Nievera, APO Hiking Society, etc. I rarely passed up on those events and had risked being trampled in an exceedingly crowded gym just to get a glimpse of those artists. Despite of that, I still hungered for the more theatrical, artistic and classical display of talent. It would be years before I finally got my fill.

My wish was granted when I arrived in Chicago in 1994. This city might not have the same clout and popularity as Broadway in New York but it has a very wide selection of entertainment. I can't remember the first show I caught sight of but I have a few favorites that came to mind; Nutcracker, Beauty and the Beast, Lord of the Dance, Cats, Les Miserables , and Show Boat. A few concerts I had been to were of Celine Dion, The Corrs, Madonna, Live, Phil Collins and 10,000 Maniacs. There is one show though that I just can't get enough of; the  Blue Man Group. I must have seen it like, more or less, six times already. Whenever a friend or relative visited me, I almost always made it a point to treat them to a performance. When my parents came to visit us, I did the same thing. You can just imagine the look of wonder and amazement on their faces during and after the show. They had never seen anything like it in their entire life and, in my Papa's case, never will again. It might not be the greatest show on earth but it was so far removed from what my parents previously ever experienced that's related to show business. I was glad to have shared it with them.

It was back in 1989 when Lea Salonga brought international fame and recognition to the Philippines for playing the lead role of Kim in the musical Miss Saigon in London. There hasn't probably been another Filipino artist that has achieved as much acclaim as she did which is mind boggling considering the wealth of talent in the Philippines. In my opinion, she opened a lot of doors for other Filipino artists to be recognized internationally. Anyway, ever since I saw video clips of Miss Saigon and heard the poignant songs, I know it's the one show I must see. I was therefore disappointed when Ms. Salonga wasn't playing the role anymore by the time I came to the US. I eventually caught the play in Chicago and the lead actress was also a Filipina by heritage. Believe me, I was still very proud to have witnessed such gift and showmanship. 

When Lea Salonga had a concert in Chicago last year, I planned to go see it with some friends. Unfortunately, I forgot to put in an early request to be off from work so I didn't make it .  Unbelievably, I've only been to a couple of Filipino concerts (Side A and Sharon Cuneta) here. There had been a lot of great shows that I apparently missed due to misinformation. I usually learned about these concerts by word of mouth and they can be quite delayed and inaccurate at times. Anyway, I've been checking out the free newspapers at the Filipino stores so I can keep watch on any future gigs. As much as I appreciate the theater and the musicals, it would be nice to experience being regaled by our brilliant compatriots again. That, is truly entertainment.

I know this is kind of a late entry for Valentine's Day but I've read some really interesting posts from some of my blogger friends ( Marianer Joy, Mary ) that somehow prompted me to share my point of view on this.

Unless you've been living under a rock since birth, we all know that Saint Valentine's day or Valentine's Day is celebrated on February 14. It is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other; sending Valentine's cards or candy. It is very common to present flowers on Valentine's Day. I got pink roses and a nice card from Kenny but he wisely skipped the candies or chocolates as he's been hearing me fret about my weight gain and insecurities . Anyway, the day is most closely associated with the mutual exchange of love notes in the form of "valentines." Modern Valentine symbols include the heart-shaped outline  and the figure of the winged Cupid. I remember making those type of cards back in grade school and handing them out to friends and family members. It was very innocent and sweet, so free of angst from the pressures that romance brings. It was the time when we have not yet tasted the bitterness of unrequited love or having your affection rebuffed from the object of your admiration. And that was just in high school.  Those rose-colored glasses have long been taken off, I must say.

Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards. In the United States, the marketing of Valentine's Day has tagged it as a "Hallmark holiday." A recent trend has been to refer to February 14 as Singles Awareness Day. Aside from the obvious occasion, the day can mean so many things to people. Well, it so happens that it also marks the day that Kenny proposed to me five years ago.  Yep, on Valentine's Day in 2002, at the Epcot Center in Orlando, Florida. It was right before the spectacular fireworks show. We just had dinner at a Moroccan restaurant and were rushing to catch the parade and the show when he suddenly steered us away from the crowd towards a small bridge somewhere. While catching my breath, he got down on a bended knee and presented me with a ring lying inside a small red velvet box. Through the blur of tears, I saw his lips moving and the next thing I know, I said "Yes!" in response to that much-awaited question.. Needless to say, we were both too emotional for words. It took a few minutes before the reality finally sinked in. We got engaged!  We're getting married! Oh, my!

I'd be lying if I tell you that our engagement was a total surprise to me. I've had hints and clues for months but everytime I thought he was going to propose to me (like on Christmas Day, New Year's eve/ day), I was left baffled and undeniably disappointed . So, even as we were planning for our trip to Disneyland (my first), I tried not to get my hopes raised. I regarded it only as a fun vacation for both of us, a reprieve from the winter blues. I was just ecstatic enough to finally be able to fulfill the ultimate childhood dream of being in the wonderful world of Disney. Growing up in the Philippines, it was one of those things that a child can only dream of. Experiencing it with Kenny was a big bonus indeed.

I guess you could say that on that one Valentine's Day, I visited the land of fairy tales and got my Prince Charming too.   Okay, gotta stop now or this can get sappier than I intended. I'm sure some of you have your own engagement stories to tell. It would be nice to read about them too.

My work load had been pretty heavy and hectic for the past two weeks and every day off I had were mostly spent catching up on my much needed sleep and relaxation. Housework and numerous miscellaneous errands are pretty much on the back burner at this point. As the to-do list grows, the more I'm inclined to procrastinate. Then, when Kenny had a knee surgery last week, he was immobilized for a few days and was pretty much limited in his activities. I didn't mind helping him out but I can't help feeling a bit overwhelmed and secretly wished that we have an extra pair of hands to help us out. As much as I claim to have a fierce sense of independence and industry, I found myself longing for the reprieve a househelp can provide in these arduous circumstances. Even if for just a day or two, I'm sure it will make a mammoth improvement in our quality of life.  Okay, I might be amplifying my point here but you get the drift, right?

As I contemplated on the benefits to be gained if we are privileged enough to hire a housemaid, it dawned unto me that it will not really work in the grand scheme of things. First of all, it truly makes me ill at ease whenever someone is sort of at my beck and call and have to cater to my needs and whims. Although I appreciate being occasionally pampered at spas or salons, I get this weird feeling that I'm making someone feel subservient towards me. It just goes against my ideals of equality and altruism. Instead of taking advantage of the services as a paying consumer, I ended up feeling guilty, like I exploited someone for my own selfish reasons. It's an all-too-familiar feeling as I am sometimes on the receiving end of this treatment.

In my line of work, it is ungratifying when people don't seem to care even if you are breaking your back and running around like a headless chicken while trying to provide the best care you could possibly give.  It's demoralizing at times when patients and their families treat you like a glorified help. There's nothing much you can do but bite your tongue even when your patience is running thin and your restraint is stretched to its limit. I guess this is why I have so much empathy for the hired help and recognize how undervalued they are in our Philippine society. 

The househelp has always been a part of a Filipino's life, as far back as existing historical records can take us. One of my first and earliest memory was of a brother (Ramon) and a sister (Linda) who used to live with my grandmother. They were not blood relatives but were taken in by my Grandma due to their parents' inability to provide for them. They were clothed, fed and sent to the public school just like any other kids in the neighborhood but I was distinctly aware that they were different from me. I wasn't expected to do any chores whereas they each have their own assigned household duties. They received very minimal allowance and rarely received anything new or nice. I didn't think they were abused or mistreated but I doubt if they received warmth and affection from my Grandma or from anyone. They played and lived with us but there was this invisible line that separated them from me and my siblings. Whenever I felt rebellious and ungrateful towards my parents, I reminded myself that I was indeed lucky not to be in the same servile position that Kuya Ramon and Linda were in.

In its original context, the Tagalog word for servant means helper (katulong). Today, the househelp is referred to as a maid (in vulgar appellation, atsay); the masters of the house in turn are "ma'am" and "sir". Traditionally, it used to be a practice of tenant farmers to offer their young daughters or boys as servants to their landlords to whom they had incurred large debts, as a means of working off some of the payment. Even without debts, some will solicit househelp positions for their children with the understanding that they will be sent to school. The traditional practice was also for the househelp to work and send money back to their family; it was the role of a good daughter or son. In some circumstances, the househelp would serve a household for years, even for life. These days, the maid sees her job as transitory, a stepping stone towards a job as a salesgirl, or waitress or until she marries and start a family of her own. Those who are truly ambitious and diligent might even achieve a high school or college education and will go on to become triumphant in their endeavors. I'm sure you know of a few success stories yourself.

When I last visited my family in the Philippines, I was amazed at how dependent they seem to be on their "helpers" (two teenage girls). It also irked me to no end when I observed my young nephews and nieces asked their maid or yaya ( nanny) for something inane as a glass of water which they can easily get themselves. It made me cringe when any of the able-bodied adults displayed the same type of behavior. Maybe because I've been independent and self-reliant for so long that I just couldn't tolerate such antics anymore. My sister and her family have plans to relocate to the US in the future    so I advised them to get used to a life without a househelp or they're going to find life in the US very grueling.

I don't believe that my family discriminates against the househelp. My parents were quite generous and a lot of our previous maids were treated more like family. Therefore, it was a bit unsettling to me when I noticed that the current helpers would eat their meals only after we did. At one point, I invited them to join us at the table for dinner and they just profusely declined, seemingly embarrassed by the gesture. The idea that they might have felt undeserving to share a meal with us saddened me. I just hope that during my brief stay, I was able to show that not everyone thinks of them as inferior members of the society.

 Filipinos often lament about their financial hardships in the Philippines. They claim that people abroad are more fortunate and have a better lifestyle. Yet, I find it ironic that they are the ones who have maids, nannies, cooks, drivers and gardeners. In contrast, we expatriates have to prepare our own meals, drive ourselves to work, and put in extra hours or work on part-time jobs so we can send some money home. On top of that, we have to do our own housekeeping and laundry and then pay the bills as well.  

Excuse me if I'm being such a curmudgeon about this. I don't deny that being in a "greener pasture" has provided a lot of us opportunities that otherwise might not be available back in our home country. Being here enables us to be self-sufficient, unfettered by the social limitations as long as we are willing to toil in the trenches. It's not uncommon that a Filipino teacher might find herself in similar employment with a former SM salesclerk. Anyone can have a fresh start here. It can be an even playing field for both masters and servants. Don't forget to play nice, okay?

As I'm typing this entry, I can hear the strong wind howl and beat against my office's window. I am just so glad that I'm home, safe and away from the cold elements out there. Out of curiosity, I checked the  current weather forecast in our area. The temperature is at 7 degrees Fahrenheit but feels like -12 degrees especially with the wind blowing at 21 mph. I'd better make sure my dogs don't stay out too long at the backyard. I wouldn't want any of them to turn into frozen delights .

Despite the severe weather warning, I wish I made a quick trip to the Filipino store to grab some chicken or pork adobo from their fast food section. Adobo always seem to make me feel warm and cozy especially on chilly days, even back in the Philippines. One of my fondest memory was of my mother when she cooked pork adobo for us whenever we had a stretch of rainy days and we can't go out to play. I didn't even bother to use the utensils as it seemed more appetizing to eat the dish with my bare hands and licking off the morsels from my greasy fingers after a satisfying meal. Just last weekend, I scrapped my plan on sticking to a healthy diet and succumb to a craving for good ole Filipino cuisine. I went to the OBD Carry Out at Uni-mart and bought their double entree express lunch consisting of chicken adobo, bopis and rice for $5.99. Because of the generous portions, I was able to make three meals out of it. It was indeed my kind of food for the soul. 

In America, the term "soul food" simply means African-American cuisine or food typically associated with African Americans of the Southern United States. Nevertheless, every ethnic group has what it calls "soul food" - soothing, comfort food that brings back warm memories of family dinners. Over the years, I've tried a variety of cuisines from different cultures. There are some that became instant favorites and some that I developed a taste for eventually. In fact, I can't really think of anything that I won't eat again unless of course if it was badly cooked or prepared. I think my palate has no difficulty adjusting to different or strange flavors and to some unfamiliar methods of cooking. There are times that I might even prefer non-Filipino food but when my taste buds start being tickled by even the mere thought of a Pinoy home cooked meal, I just have to have it, pronto. Thankfully, there are a few local Filipino restos and carry out places in the vicinity that I can run to.

When I went home to visit my family a few months ago, I went to some nice eateries and indulged in some impressively good food. They are just so authentic and the flavors were more like how I remembered them to be. Anyway, it wasn't just the fine dining food that left me wanting for more. Eating at home, being surrounded by my family and sharing a simple meal together was more heart warming and nourishing to my soul. The meals didn't cost much but I was sated like they were of gastronomical creation. I took a few pictures of some of the food items I was lucky enough to gratify myself with during my trip. Some might not be to your liking but some might just make your mouth water and will make you bundle up and go to the nearest Filipino establishment near you. Here's a link to a website I came across that might help you find these places wherever you are in the US or Canada. Those of you who might know of other links or sites, feel free to post / share them in the comment section. I'm sure there are a lot of hungry Pinoy souls out there.

I just left home and was listening to my  favorite satellite radio show (Howard Stern, hey now!) while driving on my way to work last Wednesday night when I noticed the siren lights of a cop's vehicle behind me. I kept driving hoping that he was on pursuit of somebody else or just wanted to get me out of the way for an emergency. No such luck! Still incredulous, I finally pulled over  to the side of the road and waited nervously as the cop approached my car. I checked to make sure I have my seat belt on and mentally crossed my fingers that whoever it was would show some mercy and let me off the hook this time. Dang! How fast was I driving?  I braced myself for the worst.

A few minutes later, I drove off as an unhappy recipient of a speeding ticket. Apparently, he clocked me driving at 57 mph at a 45 mph zone . Needless to say, I shamefully attempted to sway his decision by clearly displaying my scrub nurse uniform (it worked before) but my flimsy power of persuasion was no match to his determination. Whether a fact or not, I heared that the police have a target "quota" on how many tickets they issue and the end of the month is the most time that people gets slapped with these tickets. Believe me, I have nothing personal against cops. They're just doing their job just like anybody else and there are bad apples among them too just like in any other work force. The cop who pulled me over remained calm and polite but I still couldn't help feeling annoyed. Aside from paying him $75.00 as a cash bond (so he wouldn't take my driver's license), I'm facing these three choices to resolve my citation:

1. Plead Guilty, pay $75.00. Conviction is reported to the Secretary of State. I am not proud to admit this but I used to be quite notorious in getting traffic violation citations when I first started driving. I just kept getting ticket after ticket and had spent so much money paying up. As a consequence, my driver's insurance rate went up. I also managed to get citations from three different states (Illinois, Michigan, Indiana). Yeah, I lived a life of crime and danger . I was just so sick and tired of seeing those siren lights pursuing me like an outlaw and it made me feel like the police force had a personal vendetta against me. I seriously considered taking a cab to work if things didn't improve. Finally, my luck turned. The last time I got a ticket was on December 1999. It's been seven years since and now I am anxious that I'll have to start all over again. Since Wednesday night, I can't help feeling paranoid that the cops are after me now. I'm sure they can smell my fear and have their radar specifically turned on to detect my presence on the road.  Oh, my poor unfortunate soul!
2. Avoid a conviction on my driving record, plead guilty, register for the Driver Safety Program. Also pay $115.00. This option doesn't make me any happier either. I had been to three classes before and they were not the most interesting and enjoyable experience at all. The seats were so hard it felt like my butt sustained a callus at the end of the day. I also probably didn't learn much since I kept drifting off to sleep at the back of the room. Interestingly enough, Kenny is supposed to attend such a class today. You might think we're a couple of daredevils on the road, huh? We're not reckless drivers, mind you. Just a little bit lead-footed.  We gotta ease off on the accelerator, that's all.
3. Plead guilty and request a hearing before a judge. I've had my days in the court before. The first time was when I got into a vehicular accident more than a month after I bought my first car (wrecked the driver's side) in 1995, roughly three months after I first got my driver's licence (after three attempts). I erroneously turned left on a green light, not being mindful of the incoming traffic on the opposite side. Wham!  The jarring impact of the other car shook me like nothing I ever experienced before. I sustained a "whiplash" injury but nobody was seriously hurt. During my court appearance, I was quaking in my shoes. I didn't know what to expect and I feared I might get thrown into a prison cell the moment I utter the words, "Guilty, your honor". Waiting for my turn was excruciating as I watched other people pleaded "not guilty" with their lawyers beside them. Maybe I should have gotten one myself? Fortunately, it was less dramatic when my turn came. I just showed my insurance card and the judge gave me supervision as it was my first offense. Needless to say, it was the beginning of my frequent visits to the courthouse and it was nerve wracking everytime. I just hope that if I choose this option this time, the judge will consider my good behavior for the past few years. Maybe I'll wear a tee shirt that has "Free Rosemarie" emblazoned across it. 

I hope I'm not giving an impression that I'm proud of violating any laws or traffic regulations and touting my disregard on the importance of being a safe driver. I've taken cared of a handful of MVA (motor vehicular accident) patients enough to understand the gravity of what the consequences might be as a result of a careless action and serious lack of judgment. That is why I've learned to be a defensive driver and had been more mindful with the speed limitation for a long time now. There's no good excuse for any violation at all but I just wished I could turn back the time for another chance. I would have paid more attention to my speedometer and drove without any distraction. Ah, 20/20 hindsight really comes in retrospect. So, learn from my mistake and take it easy on the gas pedal, folks! It's not worth the aggravation when you find yourself on "COPS". Crime doesn't pay .

Kenny and I were out late last night attending the wedding of his cousin, Amanda. Although I generally like parties, I'm a bit leery about going to wedding receptions where I only know a handful of people and where I would be the only Asian-looking guest. Such was the case last night. Fortunately, Kenny and I were seated at the table with his siblings and cousins. It was a fun table indeed as we were mostly couples of about the same age and were able to keep up a lively conversation, fueled of course by the bubbly champagne and several bottles of beer.

As can be expected, much of the conversations in our table involved recollections of our own nuptials. We traded stories on the frustrations, highlights and mishaps of planning a wedding. As much preparation as it entailed, a lot of things could go horribly wrong but overall, everybody attested that they had a great time. Looking at the young newlyweds, I'm sure their big day has far exceeded their expectations. As I listened to the speeches and watched the bride danced with her father, I felt a fleeting pang of sadness. The memory of my last dance with my Papa flashed before me like a mirage. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, savoring the moment for as long as I could.   I also indulged in a short walk down memory lane that took me back to our own wedded bliss more than four years ago. 

Over the years, I must have already attended a lot of weddings here in the US. Interestingly, most of my friends opted to get married here in the US despite the fact that their own families won't potentially be able to attend. I was quite curious about their choice then. So, when Kenny and I got engaged, the issue of where the wedding will be held was raised. It was quite a difficult ruling to make but as much as I would have liked for my family, relatives and friends in the Philippines to witness my marriage, it just felt more significant for my friends here to be with us on our big day. They encompassed my support system all these years of living in a foreign land. They have become my surrogate family and are as equally important as my blood relatives. Furthermore, they know me and Kenny better as a couple and we have shared so many good times together. In addition, having the wedding here in the US also provided my parents a reason to visit us. In retrospect, it was the best decision since I know how happy and content my parents were during their short stay with us and it was the last time I ever spent with my father.

Planning a wedding was certainly nerve-wracking especially for someone who is unfamiliar with how things are being facilitated here. We didn't have the privilege of hiring a wedding planner so dealing with vendors and making decisions on so many details was quite intimidating. I wished countless times that my sister and mother were there to assist me. Thankfully, when it was time to shop for a wedding gown, my then future sister-in-law and a few friends accompanied me, giving me the necessary feedback and encouragement. During the first fitting, Kenny's mom offered to come with me. I could still remember how misty-eyed she got when she first saw me in my gown. That poignant display of emotion truly made me feel very accepted in their family.  

  A lot of interesting issues came up when my parents arrived weeks before the event. When my mother came with me during my final fitting, she was more concerned about the superstitious belief of the bad luck that might befall from my trying the dress on before the wedding. I totally forgot about that notion but assured her that it's okay. I sure wasn't  walking down the isle with an ill-fitting outfit. She also had some reservation about wearing a black ensemble, worried that it might seem like forecasting doom on my marriage.  I reassured her again that it was an acceptable color for a formal attire. In fact, Kenny's mom wore black as well. That seemed to make my mother feel better. I must say she looked sophisticated and confident that day.  

Our wedding, by US standards, was pretty simple. Anyone who had planned a wedding here could attest to how much it can cost even if you're going for something minimal. A typical wedding here, on average, could set you back at least $15 - 20,000.00. It's pretty common for some couples to be shocked at how much things could add up to if they don't watch their budget. Unless you have unlimited means or have wealthy, generous parents, a (US) wedding's price tag can get really hefty compared to one in the Philippines. For a fraction of your budget here, you can potentially have the grand wedding of your dreams. I remember my mother saying that I could already have bought three designer gowns (in the Phils) for the price I paid for one here. Granted it was a nice dress, but it was not made by a famous designer.

Not that it made a big difference to me. I didn't really care so much about that. I was more concerned about personalizing the details of the event to our specifications. We made our own invitations, guest book, and give-aways (music CD). Kenny and I were so insanely particular that we even created our own playlist for the music to be played throughout the entire reception. Although we hired a DJ, all he really did was play the CDs that we burned. Talk about being control freaks, huh?   It was worth it though. We maintained a certain ambiance to the event to reflect our taste and personalities and our guests really let loose on the dance floor. At least we believe so.  

In a few months, we will be attending another wedding of Kenny's cousin, TK. He's the brother of the new bride. We were quite amused by this and have teased their father about how big of a hole it's going to make in his pocket. I also remembered something that a friend of mine told me about a Filipino superstitious belief that no two siblings should get married in the same year. It is believed that one sibling will have the worst luck than the other. Have you ever heard of this? Well, I certainly hope this is an unfounded old wive's tale. All I know is that these young people are lucky to find a great match in their partners and I hope that their marriages will be equally productive and glorious.   Amen!

Although we only had one episode of heavy snow fall here in Chicago, the winter  season is definitely taking a toll on me. Now that the rush of holiday festivities are over with, things have settled back to a more lethargic pace. Over the past few days, I've been feeling inordinately morose, bored and disinterested in regular activities. I found myself feeling more sleepy, irritable and feeling cooped up. I've logged in a lot of hours watching TV while snacking on sweets and high-carbs snacks. As optimistic as I was when I made my list of goals and plans for the new year, I'm beginning to doubt my ability to carry out most of them, especially goal # 5. At the rate I'm going, it will take a couple of years before I would even come close to reaching that goal. Uh-oh! The "winter blues" are back!

Mix the bleak whiteness and frigid temperatures with the ending of holiday-induced excitement and day after day of no outdoor activity, and it's enough to cause anyone to feel a little down in the dumps.  After 13 winter seasons, this is not an unfamiliar territory to me anymore. Having lived most of my life in a tropical climate probably made me even more prone to these symptoms. For those who are experiencing their first winter, it might come as a bit of a peculiar and unfamiliar state of being. What exactly are the winter blues?   According to my googling effort, it's a term used for a group of physical and emotional symptoms that are induced by being cooped up indoors for long periods and getting too little activity and sunshine. It's also nicknamed "February blahs", "Holiday depression", or doldrums. Simply existing in a season with so many dark, cloudy days -- this is particularly true in certain U.S. regions like the Midwest, the Northwest and the Northeast -- is enough to bring down a person's mood from a purely emotional perspective, but there are very real, physical reasons.

Here are some of the symptoms of winter blues:

 Not all of us have that option so what can we do to combat the winter blues? I guess it can be as surprisingly simple as being outside and being active. Think of fun activities which your family and friends can do together. Bundle up and try one of those cold-weather sports like snowboarding, downhill skiing, ice skating, snowshoeing or cross-country skiing. Unfortunately for me, my previous attempts at participating at some of those activities posed a health hazard. Easy activities such as taking a walk around the block , playing tag with my dogs and window shopping at the malls might suffice for now.

Get some sun.  The fact that the winter blues occur when the days begin to darken and sunlight is scarce is not a coincidence. Sunlight is crucial to human health, and when we don't get enough exposure to it, our moods and physical health will suffer. More specifically, our serotonin levels (the hormone associated with elevating our mood) rise when we're exposed to bright light.  You may have experienced this "high" feeling after spending some time on a sunny beach, for example. So in the wintertime, if we can take a trip to a sunny location and spend some time in the sun, our mood is likely to improve immediately. It is for this reason that Kenny and I made tentative plans to head out somewhere for some sun-worshiping. I hope we can it make it happen soon.

Exercise  is widely known as a natural mood booster. Simply getting out for a brisk walk or heading to the gym for 30-minute workout can do wonders for your mood, and your body will benefit too. Don't feel that you have to stick with a certain routine if you're someone who gets bored easily. Exercise works best when it's something you look forward to, so choose something that fits your personality and fitness level. On less chilly days, I've been taking my dogs out for their walks. Kenny and I also went to a yoga class together, something we haven't done for sometime. How I wish we can go dancing at our favorite dance club, Neo. Alas! Between my achy back and his hurting knees, it's the one activity that we have to give up for now.

Resist comfort food cravings. As the weather turns colder you may mentally feel like you're getting ready to "hibernate" for the winter, and as such start to crave "comfort" foods. Unfortunately, traditional comfort foods tend to be less than ideal from a nutritional standpoint (you know those cookies aren't healthy!). Stock your pantry with healthy food choices like meats, fresh vegetables and fruits that will leave you feeling satisfied and well-nourished, rather than on a sugar-high (with the inevitable "sugar crash" soon to come). I'm proud to say that I cleaned up our pantry and fridge and got rid of some of those unhealthy food. Well, most of it anyway. I'm keeping my Payless noodles and 555 sardines . After a trip to the grocery store, I came home with oranges, asparagus, salad and california rolls. I'm feeling better already. 

Change your routine. Sometimes making small changes in your life is an excellent way to pull yourself out of a funk. The following ideas are very simple, but they can make a big difference in your day and your mood:

• Add some new decorations in your home. Rearrange the furniture for a fresh perspective.
• Purchase some aromatherapy oils or scented candles that you enjoy.
• Treat yourself to a massage or warm bubble bath. A foot spa would be great for those dry feet. 
• Prepare a special meal for your family or significant other. 
• Listen to a favorite music or relaxation CD.
• Journal to reflect on your emotions or day's activities. In my case, blogging and blog hopping keeps me entertained and informed. 
• Pamper yourself with a day of healthy food, good books and other favorite activities.
• Call an old friend or make new friends. I've made acquaintance with some great people on the internet lately.
• Organize your living space (clearing clutter can be calming for your mind).

Although winter often represents darkness or a bleak and gloomy period in a person's life, let's not forget that it's also a period for resting and healing. It can also mean a phase in your life that leads to restoration and rebirth, to spring. I just love spring.  It's what makes it worth going through winter every year. Then there's the summer... then autumn and fall. Then winter comes once again. The cycle goes on.

Although it was a day later than Santa Claus, the stork delivered the latest addition to my husband's clan. My sister-in-law gave birth to a healthy and handsome infant boy on December 26th. Needless to say, it was a much-anticipated arrival especially since he's the first grandchild for both sides of grandparents. He's also my only nephew here in the US.  Imagine my excitement  when Kenny called me at home to break the news. The next day, I got to visit the new baby and the proud but exhausted mom. We both marveled at how amazing it was to finally see their offspring. As much as I wanted to stick around to chat, I noticed that Tif was getting somnolent so I made my exit and promised to see them again as soon as they're able to accept visitors at home.

 We did see them again on New Year's eve. After having dinner with Tom and Mariah at Fogo de Chao, we all decided to welcome 2007 at Tif and Ted's place. They were indeed pleasantly surprised to see us. They opened a bottle of champagne and we waited as the countdown started on TV. Seconds later, we toasted to everybody's health, happiness and prosperity. We also offered our best wishes for the baby who was blissfully unaware of how momentous the occasion was. There's truly a lot to look forward to this year but there's also a lot of the past to remember and be thankful for.

 It was seven years ago when I first crossed paths with Tif, Ted and Tom. I just recently met Kenny on Christmas Day and days later, he invited me to a New Year's Eve soiree at the Hyatt Hotel in downtown Chicago. My friends didn't have any plans that night due to the Y2K scare and Mariah (my roommate then) was out of town. Not exactly looking forward to a boring night by myself, I gladly accepted Kenny's invitation without much hesitation. Little did I know that my life will be turned upside down as we all greeted the new millenium at the stroke of midnight. I suppose the kiss had something to do with it. 'Nuff said.

Diffident as I was, I braved the introduction to Kenny's sister and friends. Although I told myself not to worry about making a good first impression, I didn't really need to anyway. I found them very engaging and welcoming, unfazed that a stranger sort of crashed into their little party of four. Let's not forget that they also introduced me to their cousin Eddie who was roaming around the hotel lobby garbed as  Elvis Presley in body hugging, sequined white outfit and with sideburns to match! How cool was that?   It definitely appealed to my twisted sense of humor.   I was in great company, I'd say.

 Although it was a short encounter, I went to bed that night feeling optimistic that these individuals were going to be in my life for the long haul. It might sound like I'm spouting some metaphysical gobbledygook but I truly felt like I was reborn and my existence was given a new lease in life. I was at a crossroad of my existence when I was questioning my purpose and future. I was poised for a change and meeting Kenny couldn't have come with a better timing. He was my Christmas gift and my New Year's eve date rolled into one . Of course, he became so much more.

Little did we know that our romantic coalition   will eventually lead to another coupling among our friends. Although Tom and Mariah had been initially introduced earlier on, they just started dating  each other about three years ago. I'm happy to blab that they got engaged last spring during our trip to Venice (it must be the canal water    ) and are planning to get married before the year is over (The pressure is on, you guys!). Things are coming full circle and I couldn't be any happier.

 Some people might argue that we all have the freewill to change the course of our lives and there's no such thing as fate or destiny. Well, I'd say the signs are there and our deep primal instincts just sort of nudge us towards certain directions. Sure, our choices might not always seem wise or circumspect, but somehow they will eventually lead us to the ultimate path and destination. A former English teacher of mine once imparted these sage words, " Whatever happens, it's always for the best." It was a bit tough to chew on as a teenager but as I went through life-altering experiences and gained insight from them, I have to agree. To illustrate, if I continued to desperately latch on to doomed relationships in the past, I would have missed the window that was opened to me while the door was shut. Once I relinquished my emotional baggage (most of it anyway), I met the right one for me at the right time.

Before I become overly sappy, philosophical and poignant, let me close this post with these words from Jean de La Fontaine. "A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it."

It's the first day of the new year and I'm sure some people are still out cold from partying it up and celebrating the blessing of another year we are given to live our lives. I am also aware that somewhere around the globe, some people didn't make it. A brother of a close friend of mine who was in his late thirties just passed away from a heart attack. A very sobering thought indeed but it's one of those little mental sticky notes that should remind us of our own mortality. Procrastinating on doing the things you want to do could lead to a lot of regrets when you find yourself running out of chances. Ergo, I prodded on and made up my to-do list for this year.

As I referenced from my previous post, some of the items from 2006 will have to make a reappearance for this year. Hopefully, the second chance will prove to be worthwhile. Anyway, according to an article I just came across,  "Striking a better balance between work and play, taking more exercise and avoiding disastrous relationships top resolution lists around the world this New Year."  I might have two of those resolutions but I try to keep my list more specific and realistic. In no particular order for importance and priority, here are my top 10 for 2007:

1. Read and finish at least two books  . I bought "The Da Vinci Code" and "Memoirs of a Geisha" last year but I still have to open and read a single page. Reading has always been a passion of mine when I was younger. Somehow, the stress of being in the work force pushed books on the back burner. I hope to rectify this soon.

2. Visit friends and relatives . I used to travel a lot to different states to explore and to see my friends as well. It's been a while since I went on a road trip. My probable target locations are New York and Texas.  So guys (I hope you know who you are) , get ready to roll out the red carpet for me. No worries... I can sleep on the floor.  

3. Travel to Europe again . We have tentative plans to revisit Paris and to finally see Prague on April. This time, we will be accompanied by my mother-in-law and brother-in-law. It would be just lovely for my husband to finally see the place where his Czech ancestors are from. I'm so looking forward to it already.

4. Take photography  lessons. I've always been interested in developing this as a hobby so hopefully, I'll be able to pursue this soon. It might prove to be a costly endeavor but one I would really like to do soon.

5. Follow and stick to a sensible diet and exercise plan . Yeah, yeah... been there, done that. Seriously, as much as I try to convince myself that staying slim is not that important, I believe you have to feel good about how you look on the outside as well. Everytime I go shopping and have to look for clothes a size higher than before, my self-confidence takes a dip, a notch lower than it should be. I just know that I felt much better when I was living a healthier and active lifestyle. Now, if only I could avail of those celebrity nutritionist, fitness coaches and trainers, I'll be on my way to becoming America's biggest loser  . Fat chance of that happening, huh? Anyway, according to the same article I cited above,  "Exercise was also in the spotlight, with Filippinos, Australians and Singaporeans most committed to being more active."  A bit reassuring, I might say.

6. Volunteer my time and skills to charitable organizations . I haven't worked out the details on this but I feel that it's time to give back to the community in one way or another. A coworker once invited me to participate in a medical outreach in Sudan, Africa but the likelihood of my husband agreeing to it is slim to none. It's too much of a risk , I guess. Well, small steps only. We can't be all like Brangelina.

7. Start selling on eBay again . I enjoyed the marketing aspect of it and felt a sense of accomplishment everytime I dropped off my items at the post office for shipping. I took pride of my 100 % positive feedback and I received encouraging comments from my buyers as well. I will just have to find the appropriate product and work it out. Any suggestions?

8. Work on my mother's petition. I've been stalling on this so I really have to get the process going before my youngest sister turns 21.

9. Learn how to cook and bake . It would just be so nice not to rely so much on Mrs. Microwave and Mr. Grill for our meals and to be able to whip up a home made meal from scratch. I will never be a Martha Stewart-type of a housewife but my shortcoming on this department is not from the lack of basic culinary skills. It's more like from laziness and lack of motivation. On the rare times that I attempted to cook, I did okay (my husband survived it) so I feel confident I could do better. I will have to enlist my mother-in-law's guidance so I can prepare Kenny's favorite entrees. I could do it, just wait and see.  

10. Spend New Year's eve  in the Philippines. As much as I enjoyed the company of my friends and in-laws last night, the Filipinos' way of ringing in the new year is truly unique and enthusiastic. When my mother called me while in the midst of their festivites, I can't help but feel a pang of homesickness again. They might not have the grandest fireworks and lavish parties but there's just something fervent about the camaraderie and the familial flavor of fellowship that Filipinos have. I hope to be a part of that again soon.

Well, there it is. I will have to reevaluate  my list at the end of the year and see what I have achieved or not. I have 365 days to go and the countdown has begun. Well, I'm feeling kinda sleepy  so gotta go take a nap. I promise I'll start working on goal # 5 tomorrow .

According to Wikipedia, "A New Year's resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. The name comes from the fact that these commitments normally go into effect on New Year's Day and remain until the set goal has been achieved, although many resolutions go unachieved and are often broken fairly shortly after they are set."

Just like some people, I made my own list for 2006 but I called it my inventory of goals and plans. Now that we're just a day away from entering 2007, I think it's time to take stock and re-evaluate the list. I have a feeling that some of the items are going to make a reappearance in next year's list. Here's the top 10 in 2006 and the latest update:

1. Reorganize my office and my closets.

Update: Due to our house being on the market, I've been forced into keeping my office (the whole house for that matter) and closets in order. It's still a regular struggle especially now that we have our dogs. 

2. Obtain my U.S. Citizenship.

Update: I got my US citizenship and took my oath of allegiance last May. I was also able to travel with my brand new passport when I visited my family last October.

3. Visit at least three cities in Europe.

Update: Kenny and I did go on first European trip (Paris, Rome, Venice, Milan) with 8 other friends. It was one of the most exciting and memorable vacations I've ever had and I hope to do it again soon. We have tentative plans to travel to Paris and Prague this coming April with my mom-in-law and brother-in-law. It's still a few months away but I'm so stoked already. 

4. Upgrade my career image .

Update: Earlier this year, I made some attempts to change my career path. I actually accepted a  position that would have allowed me to work closer to home and to explore a different field in nursing. A few days before I was to start at the new job, I went through an episode of separation anxiety which prompted me to change my mind. Bottomline, I chickened out . I've always been a creature of habit and routine. As much as I would like to project spontaneity and an adventurous spirit, I am very much my father's daughter. Before he died, he had the same job for more than 20 years. He initially retired when he turned 60 years old but returned to work after a few months. I guess he missed having a purpose to his days. Ironically, his job was also the catalyst for his demise. Not to sound morbid, but with my career, that could very well be my case in the near or later future.

5. Learn more about starting up a home-based business and eventually building one .   

Update: I got lots of ideas but they will remain just that for now. Reality and my responsibility to my family back home will have to take precedence over any of those entrepreneurial aspirations. I'll still keep on dreaming though. It won't cost me a cent anyway.  

6. Go back to doing yoga and meditation . I'd also like to go for outdoor power walks  .

Update: I haven't practiced yoga that much but my dogs are my best motivation to take those power walks. It's a challenge but I'm grateful for those times when I feel like I'm doing something for my health and fitness.

7. Attend my college class reunion  on July.

Update: We had our class reunion indeed. It was a success overall but it personally brought a few unpleasant feelings to the surface. Although I was friends with most of the attendees, I realized that I really didn't have much of a bonded relationship with them. I felt kinda lost when they cited funny anecdotes and reminisced on their escapades. I just didn't have much of a recollection of those things and events therefore I wasn't part of any of it. I had a strange feeling that they didn't remember me much either. I was just another vague classmate in college . It was a disheartening thought and it somehow affected my mood during the reunion. Did I mention I'm really super sensitive?

8. Have my mother visit us again  .

Update: Instead of her coming to the US, I went to visit the family again this year. I figured that would allow me to spend time with everybody other than just my mother. I would still like to plan on getting her here next year. She deserves a much needed vacation from all the stress that she's going through right now in the Philippines. I also need to start working on her petition so she and my sister can join us here soon.

9. Start our own family .

Update: We did get to start our family. We are now proud parents of Sidney and Lara. I didn't even have to go through labor and delivery . I just love them so very much, like they're my own specie and breed.

10. Spend Christmas  in the Philippines.

Update: I have high hopes of fulfilling this next year. We are planning on either spending Christmas or celebrating the new year there. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the next 365 days.

Well, that was 2006. I'd better start getting busy on making a new list for 2007. It's creeping up sooner than I expected. How about you? Do you still even make any new year's resolutions at all? What's your success / failure rate?

Although the date for New Year's Day is not the same in every culture, it is always a time for celebration and for customs to ensure good luck in the coming year. Here's wishing for better and positive things in the year to come, for all of us.

I would like to start by thanking the readers who left comments regarding the previous post about my father. A lot of people also sent messages telling me their own tragic and sad stories of of grief and loss. I am deeply honored by your openness and I hope that someday, you'll also find the courage to write and talk about it. The blog entry apparently touched a chord in people's hearts especially those who have suffered a loss of a loved one. Death is a universal experience we will all have. Even those who have not lost a parent yet, there is bound to be fear of that happening sooner or later. I suppose my one goal was to remind everyone that we need to grab every opportunity we have to let everyone who matters to us know how significant they are in our lives. It is so easy to forget and fall into a pattern of procrastination. We fool ourselves into thinking that they're always going to be around and that we have all the time in the world. As you already know, I learned that bitter lesson too late. Thomas Carlyle said it better: "The tragedy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss".  

On a much lighter note, the Christmas holidays are upon us again as evidenced by the shopping frenzy  and the flurry of parties to attend. Of course, most people already have their Christmas tree up and their decorations out, enhancing the ambiance of the season's favorite holiday. Sadly, our abode will be an exception this year. Since our house is still on the market, we decided it would be better to keep things simple and uncluttered for the viewing of potential buyers. Also, there's no telling what our puppies would do around a prickly tree. I don't fancy rescuing my pups under a 6 ft Douglas fir. Plus, they would most likely tear into those boxes of presents like we never feed them ever.

Just because this year's holiday celebration will not be traditional in terms of the trappings that come with it, it will not be bereft of the holiday spirit at all. Instead of an ornament-laden tree, I have my memories to cherish and share . I browsed through my old photo albums and searched for the images that reflected the "ghosts of the Christmas past" . As I've mentioned before, it's been 12 years since I last spent Christmas with my own kinsfolk but throughout the years, my friends and I have forged a relationship that is akin to family. We have each other to help us survive the homesickness and pangs of loneliness during the holidays. The moments I shared with them were the most precious ornaments I could ever collect and treasure. For those of you who are transplants yourselves, I hope that you found your own "ornaments" too. Let me share to you my little Christmas tree...

This photo was taken during the early years of working at the nursing home . Our professional relationship evolved into friendship a nd we became each other's surrogate family. We had a common denominator, our being Filipinos, and that was enough to start with. We were mainly just a small group of single young women  enjoying the freedom and independence of living on our own in a different country and culture. We were missing our own family but we happily settled for each other's company.

This seemingly blissful image belied the calamitous events that followed weeks later . It was probably at this time that I finally entered the world of adults and became aware of the responsibilities and repercussions of being one. This photo reminded me of innocence lost and dreams shattered . It was one of those growing up pains that could either break you or make you stronger. A fleeting reminder of how darkness can sometimes come to our lives and it seemed like it can only get worse. Alas! Despite the turmoil, people learned their lessons and moved on.  All the better for the experience and insight they've gained throughout the experience.

This was a more formal Christmas party at a small banquet place. The attendees were still mostly women but a few men  had crept up in the mix. I remember I had a bad case of PMS that night. Couple that with homesickness and it made for a bad recipe for a party spoiler. Everybody had a great time anyway. This was probably the only time that we had a nice group photo taken. I realize I have not seen some of these people in the past few years. As they say, change is the only permanent thing in this world. People, just like relationships, came and went over the years. Some firmly left their imprints on our lives and some simply faded into oblivion.   

Mariah and I had been room mates for a couple of years before we finally decided to decorate for Christmas in 1999. We bought a fresh Christmas tree and somehow managed to drag it up the elevators to our apartment on the 6th floor . We had fun decorating it with a few inexpensive ornaments including the two angels that we used as tree toppers. I was able to keep them when our living arrangement ended a year or so later. We also hosted our first party with a theme: white christmas. Our friends were asked to wear something white and most of them did. We had karaoke and oodles of fun.Although life gets complicated at times, when it comes to having fun, we didn't require much. All we needed were some good food and a stimulating company.

This was the first time Kenny encountered my friends. We just met on Christmas Day in 1999 and celebrated the New Year's eve at a party downtown. I was giddy and thrilled  to have met such a great fella so I invited him to Kismet's birthday fete (Jan 1st) so he can get acquainted with my pals. It was truly bold of him to accept the invitation not knowing what to envisage from a typical Filipino gathering. It turned out to be the first of many more Filipino parties he went to for the years that followed. My friends warmed up to him pretty quickly, I might add.  It marked another major turning point in my life. I entered the new millenium with high hopes and optimism that I finally found Mr. Right.

This was the second Christmas Kenny and I spent together but probably also the last time we celebrated it with a few friends who relocated months later.   Just one of the many changes and moves that happen as life goes on. The new year brought new marriages, births, jobs, friendships, break-ups, hook-ups, deaths... A lot of things happened that year, just like a spinning wheel.

As you can see, there were a lot more men in attendance in this Christmas party in 2003. It was held at my friend Mating's place. We had a few more additions to our ever expanding family.  It was notably the first time that Tom (Mariah's boyfriend and Kenny's friend) was formally introduced to the group. It must have been a total shock to him to see so many camera flash bulbs going off from different directions at any time. Like Kenny, he had to overcome the initial discomfort and uncertainty and be plucky enough to find his spot in the impromptu photo ops and not get caught in the stampede . I'm happy to report that he survived the induction and has since become a regular fixture in our shindigs as well.

This photo was taken in 2004, an evidence of how far we've come in our journey through life. In contrast to the first picture above, this was a far cry from what our lives were like eons ago. Although a few of our friends are still single, this image just goes to show that there is someone out there for everyone. If not, there's always our friendship. 

This was taken last year. Sadly, a few people didn't make it to the party due to some conflicting schedules but it didn't keep us from getting together. Our Christmas party has become the one tradition that we didn't want to miss. We also had another addition to the fold. Mae's sister, Jennifer, celebrated her first Christmas in the US, away from her family and from everything familiar. If she felt homesick at all, I didn't think she had a chance to wallow in it. Despite the low number of attendees, we still managed to be merry and enjoyed each other's company.  It was also at this party that the seeds of an adventure were planted. By midnight, eight of us made a commitment to travel together to Europe. Four months later, we spent two weeks travelling in Paris and Italy and we remained friends in the aftermath.

This year, the party was held last Saturday at Mae's new house. In contrast to last year, the party was a huge hit. We picked red as the party theme and we even have our own Santa Claus.   Our friend Chuck played the role to the hilt, more to the delight of the adults than the kids. I guess we made up for not having a real looking Santa Claus when growing up in the Philippines. It was quite hilarious beyond words.Also, it was our puppies' first Christmas party. They had so much fun chasing the kids around the house. It was a wonderful celebration indeed.

 I suppose this is one of my favorite snapshot of me and Mariah. No longer room mates but we still share the same chums and celebrate the holidays together. We might have only been friends for a few years but we've seen each other through all the vicissitudes . We both have matured and have a better appreciation of the important things in our life.

 I couldn't make up my mind what years these photographs were taken but they're a few of my favorites of me and Kenny. It just make my heart melts whenever I think about how much of a metamorphosis he has brought and the impression he has made in my life . These holidays are even more momentous now that I'm sharing them with him. What greater Christmas gift is there than that?

More than a month ago, we celebrated  the memory of our dear departed. For us Filipinos, we do this by visiting their graves, lighting candles and offering prayers, flowers and food. Yeah, the last one might be odd but that was something I distinctly remember when I was young and whenever I accompanied my grandmother to the cemetery during Old Souls Day. This year, I almost made it to the cemetery but it was such a scorcher of a day and the heat was just too much for me. My head was pounding and I felt a bout of heatstroke coming on so I begged off and went home without being able to visit my father's grave. Feeling disappointed, I rationalized that being physically there was not the only way to pay my respects. Perhaps this blog entry might serve as his special memorial service, one that is long overdue.

"Why do people have to die?"

To make life important.

If you've been watching TV recently, you might have heard these words uttered in a trailer for the HBO series "Six Feet Under". I am not trying to sound morbid or depressing but something clicked in me.  I have mentioned my father's death in my previous blog entries but I have not really written much about the events leading to it. Everytime I attempted to write about it, I always found myself pulling back, unable to put into words what I went through. Hopefully, the right time has come. Where shall I begin?

FLASHBACK: When Kenny and I got engaged and decided to have the wedding in the States, we immediately worked on obtaining visitor's visas for my parents and sisters so they can be with us for the occasion. We knew it was a long shot but we were optimistic that they will be approved. Unfortunately, their first application was denied. Feeling despondent, I considered the possibility that none of my family will be present on such an important event in my life. My then-fiance pushed to apply for the visas again for my parents. My father almost declined to pursue another chance, worried about the financial costs it entailed. My mother persuaded him to try again after I told her that I would have to walk down the isle by myself as I didn't feel it would be right for somebody else, other than my father, to do the honor of giving me away. I guess they just couldn't bear the thought of their daughter looking like a forlorn bride on her wedding day so they hastily reapplied.

Fortunately, the second time was a charm. I was so glad to pick them up at the airport two weeks before the wedding. I proudly introduced them to my then future-in-laws and despite the slight language barrier and shyness, they got along pretty well. I showed them around the city and watched their faces lit up with amazement from every little thing that they found interesting and different. Finally, the big day (Oct. 25, 2002) arrived. Although we were both nervous, the moment felt perfect when my father and I sauntered to the altar where my groom was waiting. He offered my hand to Kenny and that simple singular gesture of trust touched me to the core. I couldn't ask for anything more at that moment

Weeks later, I was at the airport again, bidding goodbye to my parents. Although I was sad to see them depart, I knew they had a great time during their oh-so-short of a vacation. The time we spent together was one I will forever treasure as it will never be replicated. Nevertheless, almost six months later, I felt homesick and impulsively decided to visit my family. They were indeed delighted to find out about my planned trip home. My sisters were pretty bummed out that they didn't get to be there for my wedding so they looked forward to my coming. In retrospect, it's as if the trip was designed by some cosmic powers-that-be. Whether you believe in it or not, what followed was just pure kismet.

Fast Forward : Eight hours before my departure and in the midst of last-minute packing chaos, I called my mother to verify if someone was available to pick me up at the airport in Manila. Despite the distance, I sensed that something wasn't right. She sounded frazzled and preoccupied. She haltingly informed me that she was at the ER of a local hospital and that my father was just brought in minutes ago. I felt my blood drained from my body and my heart was beating so loud and fast that I almost missed what my mother was saying to me over the bad phone connection. Apparently, my father went to work that day as usual but during a staff meeting, he got into a disagreement with someone. Instead of engaging in a confrontation, my father chose to be quiet. He went back to his office and soon after that, his co-workers noticed that he wasn't looking well. He didn't even put up a fuss when they took it upon themselves to rush him to the hospital.

With all this overwhelming information I was bombarded with, I was just thankful that Kenny was nearby to keep me from losing my composure. I spoke with the doctor on the phone and he basically assured me that my father will be under close observation but will be fine and likely to be discharged in a day or so. I called my mother again just before I left for the airport and was told that my father was resting and seemed to be feeling better. I refrained from talking to him as I didn't want to add my nervous energy in the mix. Some of my fears were allayed but not knowing the extent of my father's medical problem gave me a sense of impending doom. I tried to shake it off, not wanting to give the notion a chance to ferment and fester in my head. "Think positive", I chided myself as I endured the remaining hours of waiting for my flight. Still with an uneasy feeling nagging at me, I finally boarded the plane. I was dreading what kind of a reunion it might be but I was ready to be there with my family.

During the lengthy flight, I tried to lull myself to sleep to avoid thinking those pesky, distressing thoughts. At one point, I suddenly woke up, gasping for air and with a sick feeling in my stomach. It's as if a cloud of sadness enveloped me with an intensity I couldn't fathom. My body was racked with an  inexplicable, overwhelming feeling of loss. I was on the verge of tears and it took every ounce of my restrain not to succumb into a weeping mess. By the time we got to Japan for a layover, I was a ticking bomb, ready to explode. I knew something had happened and I had no way of knowing what it was. I was cut off from everything and everyone. I've never felt so vulnerable in my entire life.

When I finally arrived in Manila, I wasn't even paying attention to the usual melee and the muggy air outside of the airport. I scanned the people's faces and recognized my three cousins among them. We hugged and I immediately inquired, "How is my father?". I got my answer before they even uttered a single word. They could barely look me in the eyes. Oblivious to the bedlam around me, I broke down in tears. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and release all the pent up emotions I had been holding back for hours. Everything around me was in a tailspin. "Why, Lord, why? Not my father, please...not him..." I beseeched.

Mercifully, my cousins ushered me away from the curious looks of bystanders. One of them got my mother on the phone. She was as distraught as I imagined her to be. I still cannot believe the nightmare we were in. I kept wishing that I'd wake up and everything will be back to the way it was. In between sobs, my mother told me that Kenny already found out hours ago. Oh, my God! He must be in the same state of shock I was in. I called him up and we were both crying on the phone. He assured me that he'll be rejoining me very soon in the Philippines. I was beyond caring how he managed to take off from work so fast. I just desperately wanted him to be there with me.

The following days were in a blur, a roller coaster of emotions: anger, guilt, sadness, grief, numbness, indifference, denial, exhaustion, more anger, self-blame... A lot of people came to offer their condolences and assistance. We tried hard to be gracious, bereaved  hosts. We were seemingly functioning but lying underneath the calm veneer was the need to be left alone to lick our wounds, to acknowledge the bitter reality that the person lying in the coffin was our own dearly beloved husband, father, grandfather and father-in-law. Needless to say, the burial was one of the most excruciating thing I've ever experienced. There are no adequate words to describe it and I'm not even going to attempt to.

It has been more than 3 years ago since and although I have come to terms with it, there are still days when it's a bit tough to accept that I can no longer see, hear nor touch my father. As much as I comfort myself with the thought that he is "in a better place" now, I still feel the pang of regret whenever I miss his presence during my visits or when I can no longer ask for him to be put on the phone just to say, "Hi, Papa!".

Oh, there's so many things about him that I miss but it's futile to dwell on them. All I can do now is to be there for my family, to shoulder the responsibilities that came with being the first-born. For the first few months, I became the head of the family while my mother was testing the waters of her new status as a widow and a single mother of a 10 yr-old girl (my youngest sister Sande). Surprisingly, my relationship with her has remarkably changed for the better. We have developed a strong mutual respect for each other and we've become closer as the years passed by. We've had our moments of conflicts as we're both headstrong women but we're secure with the knowledge that we love each other no matter what.

My father's death has certainly awakened my zest for life that laid dormant for years, buried under the stress of keeping up in a rat race, of self-inflicted boredom and indolence. I satisfied my thirst for travel and adventure. I nurtured a renewed enthusiasm in writing and got engaged in different interests outside of my comfort zone. I took every opportunity I have to be with my family and friends. Most of all, I try not to take for granted the fact that it could be me next in the lottery of death. We all die, that we know for sure. The only unknowns are the manner and the time and if people would even care. Bottomline, I only have one life to live so I'd better make it count and it better be a graceful exit. 

Late entry for November 1, 2006

Despite being exhausted from a very full day yesterday, I accepted my aunt's invitation to a Halloween Night Party at Duka Bay beach resort due to the lack of entertainment options in our city. Also, I've got to admit that my curiousity got the best of me. It was quite surprising to see that Filipinos are already adopting the Halloween custom. Although I've known about this holiday from books and movies, I didn't grew up practicing it the way they do in the States or at other western countries. I didn't know what to expect but I was just glad that I went as it turned out to be one of the important events in my trip. Anyway, here is the lowdown of what transpired.

My two sisters (Emily and Sande) and my cousin Mary June tagged along. My Aunt Agnes' (and her entourage   ) arrival was greeted with some acknowledgment as she is an incumbent city official. Although I'm proud of my aunt's accomplishments, I really don't care much about people's political status and of bureaucracy in general. In my opinion, some of these people think too highly of themselves, oblivious to the reality that they are really nobody of stature in the grand scheme of things. In a small pond, they're the big fish, but in the ocean, they're just bait for the bigger fish. I suppose I'm just not that easily impressed anymore with people who flaunt their clout and wealth and who expect to be treated like they're above everyone else. But hey, that's just me. 

Anyway, in the typical Filipino fashion, people started arriving almost two hours later. I also noticed that there was really no attempt to follow through with the Halloween theme and I barely saw anyone in costumes. There was a live band playing and although I appreciated the talent and entertainment, a feeling of boredom started creeping up on me. I was just about ready to call it a night when I heard the host welcomed the presence of an important guest. The name was unmistakably familiar to me and a feeling of excitement coursed through my veins. I was propelled into action and I enlisted my aunt's help to find out where that certain guest was seated. Before I knew it, I found myself led by the host to a table where I came face to face with the person I last saw more than 12 years ago. With my heart pounding loudly, I tentatively approached and introduced myself to my long lost godfather, Ducky Paredes.

Me: "Maninoy (Visayan for Godfather) Ducky, you might not remember me but I'm the daughter of your friend Loly. I just want to thank you for helping me out with my visa processing 12 years ago. I'm sorry that I never got the opportunity to write or contact you but I've been wanting to see you again to thank you personally. Thank you so very much for everything you've done for me and my family." At this point, my voice broke and I felt my tears forming, threatening to roll down my flushed cheeks.

DP: "Oh, I remember you. You're welcome. How've you been? You went to the States, right?" He flashed me a kind smile and gave me a pat on my back. He was just as zen-like as I remembered him to be.

Me: "Yes. I've been working as a nurse in Chicago and I got married four years ago. Thank you for making it possible. I don't know if you are aware that Papa had already passed away?" Trying to hold back the tears, I managed to mumble my response. I just hoped I wasn't making a spectacle of myself.  

DP: "It's good to know that you're doing fine. Yes, I know about your father's death. By the way, this is your Maninay (Visayan for Godmother)." He then directed my attention to the lady seated to his left side. With my one-track mind and focus, I almost forgot that he got company at his table. Geez!  What on earth happened to my manners? His wife, who was silently listening to our exchange, gave me hug. Although that was the first time that we met, I felt her warm sincerity. She stated that she was glad to know that her husband had helped me in some way. She then asked me a few questions about myself as well. I intimated that my godfather is my inspiration to pursue writing again. I told her that I dreamt of becoming a journalist just like him but I had to give up on that aspiration for practical reasons (went to Nursing school instead). She then informed me where I can find my godfather's blogs and published articles and encouraged me to submit my writings as well. Wow! Everything was just so overwhelming.  Feeling like I've accomplished what I needed to do, I bid them goodbye and headed back to my table. I was still trembling from the experience but a feeling of relief washed over me.

Pardon me if I seemed to be so melodramatic about the encounter. Let me share an excerpt from a previous post of mine to enlighten you why I was reduced to a sobbing mess over this.

I'm probably one of the few kids who got the lowest number of "ninongs" and "ninangs". I only had one of each. Obviously, I didn't get many presents when I was growing up. Sadly, my godmother died from breast cancer years ago and I can count with one hand the times I had contact with my godfather.  He was a journalist and held a vital position in the Malacanang Palace when I was in college. I remembered when I visited him in Malacanang Palace  in 1992, he arranged for a special tour for me and my classmates (we were taking our board review). He also gave me a money gift based on my age (100.00 pesos for each year). It was a very unexpected gesture but much appreciated as well. The last time I saw him was in 1994 when I asked for his assistance in getting my visa processed on time. I regret that I did not keep in contact and I doubt if he's even aware that my father already passed away. Maybe someday, I'll see him again.

My father and Ducky were close friends when they were in their 20s. When I was born, he was the obvious choice to be my godfather. Over the years, they kept in touch and supported each other on whatever endeavours they needed each other for. When Ducky needed some business assistance, he called on my father. In return, when he became a prominent figure in the political arena, he was able to secure a government position for my father. This job enabled my parents to provide us with quality education and a stable home life.

I seldom saw my godfather. I didn't get to see him on my birthdays and on Christmas holidays. My young mind couldn't help wishing I had more godparents and that I'd see them often. When I did get to see my godfather, I was too painfully shy to establish some kind of connection with him. I was at awe and unsure of what to make of him. All I knew was that he was a rising and promising journalist in the country. That was enough to intimidate me into silence lest I say something embarrassing and nonsensical. I became content in knowing that I did have a godfather albeit a distant one but when I graduated from college and was in Manila for my nursing licensure board review, my mother convinced me to contact him. At that time, he was the Press Undersecretary to President Corazon Aquino.

Daunted by the task, I bit the bullet and called him up. To my surprise, he invited me to come to the Malacanang Palace to meet him. Being older and having more confidence made the meeting less nerve wracking. It was one of the most impressionable moments in my young adult life. After I left the Philippines, I planned on staying connected with him. Instead, stress and a fast paced life made it less of a priority. It wasn't until my father's death that I started feeling the urge to see him again. I feared that I might not ever have the opportunity to thank him. I was still feeling haunted by the feeling of regret that I never really got to spend enough time with my own father. There were still a lot of things unsaid, some deeds not done. I didn't want to make the same mistake again, even with somebody relatively unfamiliar to me as my Maninoy Ducky.

Although my godfather and I never had much of a relationship, he has somewhat influenced me in a strange way. It's like he has bestowed on me a special gift, a piece of who he is, during my baptism. It just might be my naive and wishful thinking but one I truly believed in. It is where I draw confidence and courage from whenever I start pounding the keyboard to express myself in my blogs. Even if I may never achieve any acclaim from my efforts, I'm just gratified to know that I'm adequately capable of sharing my thoughts and feelings to those who are willing to read them. It's also my own way of paying tribute to a brilliant man who, without his knowing, has created an impact in my life. 

To those of you who are still reading this, I am thankful for your time and effort. To those who have complimented me in your comments, I am deeply appreciative and humbled by your generousity.