A Filipina co-worker asked me today if I lived with Kenny before we got married. I was slightly taken aback by the question but answered it honestly as I didn't feel I have anything to hide or be ashamed of. Yes, Kenny and I lived together for more than two years before our wedding. Less than a year into dating exclusively, we started talking about moving in together. As it happened, my apartment lease was about to expire and Mariah and I agreed not to renew together. Kenny was also planning on looking for a new place to live at that time. I just got a new job downtown so we both felt it was a logistically convenient decision to find one place which would be close to our workplaces. Also, we both aknowledged it to be a natural progression in our relationship. I was a bit concerned about how my parents might feel about it so I asked for their opinion before making the decision final. As much as they were ambivalent about it, they trusted me enough and they also felt relieved that I found someone who's looking out for me. Even without meeting Kenny in person yet, they took a leap of faith and gave us their blessing.

Anyway, we were engaged during the last 10 months of our living arrangement. Although it may sound sweeter and more romantic to get married first before living together, I'd say I'd do it again. We definitely benefited from it. I think it made our "first year" of marriage less stressful since we both have already adjusted to existing in close quarters, have already ironed out a lot of our differences and found ways to compromise on a lot of issues. Living with a man for that matter is already a huge challenge so I have to learn to pick my battles and shrug off the rest.

Some might call it living in sin; some might call it living in bliss. Whatever you call it, living together can be a challenge. With nine times as many couples cohabiting today than there were 40 years ago, the likely reality is that this trend will continue. Young couples are advised to think twice before they jump into living together. These are four pieces of advice to anyone trying to decide if living together is as beneficial as it seems.

1. Do not "just live with someone" more than once.
The idea of learning from one's experience doesn't apply here. People who live with more than one partner in their lifetimes have a greater chance of getting a divorce. Meaning that if you are a "serial cohabitant," it might be a sign that you have problems with commitment, and you could think about looking into why.

2. Put a time limit on how long the living together phase will last.
When you live with someone you are not married to, your level of commitment to the relationship is not at its full potential. So even if you end up marrying this person, the longer you've stayed in this uncommitted mind-set, the more likely it is to stick.

3. Do not live with a partner if children are involved.
The problem is that these cohabiting parents break up at a much higher rate than married parents, and the effects of these breakups on children can be just as devastating and long lasting as a divorce. Also, children living with mother's boyfriends are at higher risk of sexual abuse and physical violence (including lethal violence) than children who live with married parents.

4. Get engaged first.
The only time when living together before marriage doesn't pose a threat to your relationship is after you've gotten engaged, have formally announced your engagement and set a wedding date. Since you've publicly committed to be with each other forever, it's almost as if someone pronounced you husband and wife.

The words of warning are to simply think twice before cohabiting. There is no evidence that if you decide to cohabit before marriage you will have a stronger marriage than those who didn't live together. And some evidence suggests that if you live together before marriage, you are more likely to divorce later.

To each his own... right? What's her point, Rose?

Whatever works for both of you is fine with me. I don’t see anything wrong with that arrangement. I mean DH and I live together in one roof for a month before our wedding. That should have given me or him ample time to back out if things didn’t work out right for us.

Is your pinay co-worker trying to prove something?

Rose, ayan, ginalit mo si Rhebs. If your officemate is not careful Rhebs will be flying back to Chicago and give her a lecture hehe.

That is a very interesting guideline. It's the first tiem I've heard of it. And I agree 100% especially about "not living together more than once" and "time limits". Thinking about it, I even think that living together or not, there should be a time limit even with engagements per se. Lalo na with women since our short biological clocks are shorter than guys.

In the US although living together is more seen like a mutual decision (in the PI it is often perceived as the guy getting the upperhand) but it alarms me how young couples might resort to this just to save money on rent and other monthly bills. Hope the younger generation won't get to that point of being that blase about living together.

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